32 weeks today!!!

8 weeks to go. I had a slight “panic attack” the other night. Just for a couple minutes or so. I got over it quickly enough through prayer. Not sure what’s up with that. I felt that way a bit with Q. too on occasion. You would think that having gone through this a few times before that this wouldn’t happen. I fact I never had this feeling the first time…why now? I think it has something to do with more to juggle…will it be the middle of the night so the children will be asleep and “out of the way” or will it be an afternoon thing and too much activity for me to bear? etc. etc. We don’t like to ship our children off…we like them to be able to see mama and baby right away. Our older daughters we wouldn’t mind being at the birth if they can keep themselves still and quiet. That’s something we are still “playing by ear.” Anyway, there’s still lots to be done here to have a space to even birth in. That has much to do with it too I think. I’m really running out of time…and I’m afraid things will just have to be boxed up and dealt with at a later date. That’s not what I want…but… $$ and dh work issues too are constantly at the front of my mind. Yes, I’ve taken it to the Father. Everyday many times. I just can’t see clearly what He wants though. So, I’m struggling. Baby is lying exactly postier now. All movement out front. My abdomen is strained. Baby’s head moving around “down there” is uncomfortable. The rib kicking is uncomfortable. Baby actually gets his/her foot on top of the ribs at times!! You know…in under the skin where it’s tight… 😯 This baby has to turn and start staying in position. That would be a great relief in many ways.

Anyway, appt. with the midwives later this morning. Will update more afterwards. Didn’t really intend to write this much right now anyhow. πŸ˜‰

Update @ 12:20pm – Just got home a few minutes ago. Everything is going along very well. My blood pressure was a little too high when I got there. So, they took it again after my lying down through the other checks and then it was “perfect.” It is definitely stress related. One of the midwives asked if I felt a little stress getting there this morning. πŸ˜‰ I told her actually that was fine, everyone cooperated this morning. It was mostly all the things I had on my mind. Funny thing is is that this was the week to ask the “routine” question, “How are you feeling about labor?” LOL So, I shared that I felt a little panic-y a few days ago and then this morning and on the way there I had been thinking about what to do with the children, etc. and tried to discuss it with dh. (Dh wasn’t “sympathizing” with me real well. I felt he was brushing off my concerns too quickly.) Anyway, it felt great to talk to my “counselors” this morning! πŸ˜‰ They understood what I was getting at and were reassuring. Mostly, the midwife I’ve had the longest reminded me that I “have great births” and that helped a great deal. I do have good ones and I need to not let circumstances get to me. She reassured me that I probably will go in the “middle of the night” and there were plenty of them to help too with the children. πŸ˜‰ I feel much better. πŸ™‚ So, mainly it still comes down to me just getting my nest ready. It’s a big deal but, if worse comes to worse, everything can just be thrown into boxes and put out of my mind until a later date. Not ideal…but if that’s what has to be…then that’s what has to be. I have other concerns…but they are mostly for dh to figure out and I need to push them to the back of my mind.

On a more positive note, all the discomfort in baby’s postition was relieved by the time I got to my appt. Baby wiggled into the “perfect” postition – LOA – and the heartbeat was heard very clearly and strongly!! Good Baby! Also, it allowed for us to feel Baby’s head perfectly too. Nice little head! πŸ™‚ Movements are not straight out front anymore – no more sweeping arm movements up and down and over my belly button area! (It’s so sensative!) Definitely hand/foot movements over on the right now. No more head pressing/scraping against the sacral area. Whew! She did comment on how my belly was “poking straight out front.” I’ve always carried that way though so it doesn’t faze me. πŸ™‚

Enough of my ramblings. I’m going to get the children through some school work and then I’ll take a quick rest. By then I’ll have had plenty of motivating factors to get me going on tackling another bothersome “hot spot.” One down, two to go. They are big ones…but my out look is better and the makes all the difference.